People often say, “We’ll deal with it in courts.” But litigation has a price, and not just financial. Time, mental bandwidth, friendships, health, and even the safety of your children’s emotional development are all at stake. High-conflict divorces do not have a single battlefield, rather they operate on multiple fronts. Every area of your life becomes one.

Before diving into solutions, let’s clarify what a messy divorce actually looks like.

A messy divorce involves:

• Endless court apparencies
• Custody battles fueled by resentment
• Accusations and mud slinging
• Lawyers racking up billable hours while progress crawls

It’s no different from war. And like war, even if you win, you still lose something vital.

1. Legal Fees That Add Up Fast

Divorce legal costs spiral fast when both parties gear up for battle. In Israel, a high-conflict divorce can cost each party anywhere between ₪50,000 and ₪300,000. These numbers aren’t limited to the privileged or wealthy. Average couples find themselves drained by:

Attorney retainers that need to be renewed. Court filing fees that vary but accumulate with every step. Custody evaluations conducted by social workers or psychologists. Expert witnesses brought in to testify on parenting, assets, or abuse claims.

It doesn’t take long for these to snowball. Some couples find themselves selling property or liquidating savings to keep up with the demands of a litigated divorce. That is without counting the emotional currency spent, which often rivals the monetary figure.

In stark contrast, mediation divides the cost between both parties. The typical cost for a full divorce mediation process in Israel ranges from ₪15,000 to ₪80,000 in total. Mediation not only saves money, it saves time. While litigation may take years, mediation is usually resolved in six months or less.

With financial pressures in a high-conflict divorce already immense, why add more? Peaceful resolutions are possible—and far less costly.Divorce legal costs spiral fast when both parties gear up for battle. In Israel, a high-conflict divorce can cost each party anywhere between ₪50,000 and ₪300,000. These numbers aren’t limited to the privileged or wealthy. Average couples find themselves drained by:

Attorney retainers that need to be renewed. Court filing fees that vary but accumulate with every step. Custody evaluations conducted by social workers or psychologists. Expert witnesses brought in to testify on parenting, assets, or abuse claims.

It doesn’t take long for these to snowball. Some couples find themselves selling property or liquidating savings to keep up with the demands of a litigated divorce. That is without counting the emotional currency spent, which often rivals the monetary figure.

In stark contrast, mediation divides the cost between both parties. The typical cost for a full divorce mediation process in Israel ranges from ₪15,000 to ₪80,000 in total. Mediation not only saves money, it saves time. While litigation may take years, mediation is usually resolved in six months or less.

With financial pressures in a high-conflict divorce already immense, why add more? Peaceful resolutions are possible—and far less costly.

2. Emotional Costs: Stress, Anxiety, and Burnout

The emotional toll of divorce cannot be overstated. When conflict escalates, your nervous system enters survival mode. What follows is chronic stress—sleepless nights, tension headaches, panic attacks, and emotional burnout.

People often report feeling like they’re being pulled in every direction. You’re grieving a relationship, attending court hearings, managing daily responsibilities, and trying to survive emotionally.

Therapists treating individuals in the midst of messy divorces note high rates of depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress symptoms. These emotional effects ripple into your parenting, your work, and your ability to think clearly.

Mediation offers a less adversarial, more humane alternative. It focuses on problem-solving, not finger-pointing. The sessions are designed to de-escalate, to humanize, and to find common ground. Instead of letters full of legal threats, you find structured dialogue and measured compromise.

It doesn’t erase the pain of separation, but it shields you from additional trauma.

3. The Damage to Your Children

Children do not need to hear the words to feel the war. High-conflict divorce impacts children in ways both visible and hidden. It can:

Disrupt sleep routines and cause nightmares. Lower academic performance. Trigger attachment issues. Create trust problems that follow them into adulthood.

Studies from Tel Aviv University and the Israeli Ministry of Social Affairs found that children exposed to ongoing parental litigation were twice as likely to experience behavioral and emotional issues. This is particularly true in households where both parents remain physically present but emotionally at odds.

Even if custody hearings happen behind closed doors, the emotional atmosphere is thick. Children hear the tension. They observe changes in parental moods. And they internalize a deep sense of insecurity.

Mediation helps parents create cooperative parenting plans in a controlled and respectful environment. That cooperation is often the single most important factor in determining how well children adjust to divorce.

You’re not only deciding how to end a marriage. You’re deciding what kind of future your child will walk into.

4. Lost Productivity and Career Setbacks

How divorce affects work is often invisible at first. But over time, the signs show up. Missed meetings. Reduced performance. Declined promotions. Poor concentration.

People report feeling like they’re working while underwater—functioning, but barely. Employers notice. Teams compensate. Careers stall. Business owners find their companies suffering under the weight of personal chaos.

One Tel Aviv-based entrepreneur explained, “I postponed a funding round for six months because I couldn’t focus. My divorce consumed everything.”

Add to that the time spent attending hearings, filing paperwork, and meeting lawyers. You might burn through vacation days, or even face job insecurity.

Divorce mediation keeps you out of court and allows for flexible scheduling. It reduces missed work and mental fatigue. You can stay focused on rebuilding, rather than constantly reacting to legal emergencies.

5. Frozen Finances and Delayed Decisions

During a high-conflict divorce, you may face:

Frozen joint accounts. Court-ordered restrictions on spending. Delays in property settlements. Uncertainty around debt obligations.

You might want to rent a new place or change jobs, but legal proceedings delay everything. Some people report being in limbo for over two years—unable to move forward, invest, or even make decisions about their own possessions.

This kind of financial paralysis prevents healing. It traps people in an in-between life where every choice is on hold.

Mediation speeds up these decisions. Rather than wait for court availability, you and your spouse can negotiate terms in weeks, not years. Agreements can be reached and implemented in a structured, legally binding format.

If time is money, mediation gives you both.

6. Broken Relationships Beyond the Marriage

When a marriage ends in chaos, it sends ripples through your entire social world. Friends may take sides. Relatives might withdraw. Community members—whether religious, school-based, or cultural—often grow distant.

People begin to feel isolated. Invitations stop arriving. Whispered conversations become common. You may feel judged, misunderstood, or alienated.

It’s one of the most painful but least discussed parts of high-conflict divorce: the social cost.

Mediation reduces this fallout. It invites mutual dignity. It minimizes public scenes. Even if the breakup is known, the respect with which it is handled shapes how others respond.

Communities support maturity. They honor grace. Mediation preserves the opportunity for both parties to remain part of the social fabric—even if that fabric shifts.

7. Co-Parenting Becomes a Battlefield

Without structure, co-parenting devolves into a war zone. You argue over drop-offs, schedules, school events, holidays, and even minor decisions like bedtime.

Every choice becomes another front in the conflict. Communication disintegrates. The children become messengers or witnesses.

When things become unmanageable, courts may step in and appoint a parental coordinator—a professional who makes decisions for your family. These coordinators charge by the hour and are often necessary in the most broken co-parenting situations.

No parent dreams of having a stranger decide what is best for their child. But that becomes reality when litigation turns parenting into a battle.

In mediation, parents build structured parenting plans that anticipate and resolve conflict before it happens. These plans include:

• Holidays
• Education
• Religious practices
• Medical decisions
• Communication rules

That clarity protects your children from becoming collateral damage.

8. Emotional Baggage That Lasts Years

The legal end of a divorce rarely marks the true conclusion. In high-conflict cases, the emotional residue clings for years—sometimes decades. People often carry bitterness that resurfaces during milestones like birthdays or graduations. They experience guilt over past choices, especially regarding their children. And many develop deep fear when entering new relationships, convinced they’ll repeat past patterns or get hurt again.

This lingering emotional baggage becomes a lens through which everything else is viewed—parenting, dating, friendships, and even personal growth. It affects how people trust, how they communicate, and how they connect. For some, it leads to anxiety, insomnia, or depression that no longer seems connected to the original divorce but still dominates their lives.

Children are not immune. They feel the undercurrents of tension even years later. New spouses sometimes feel sidelined, competing with ghosts of conflict that should have been resolved long ago.

Mediation, unlike litigation, builds closure into its process. It focuses on resolving—not punishing. The goal is not to “win” but to leave the relationship with clarity, boundaries, and dignity. When handled with respect, the divorce becomes a chapter—not the entire book. Mediation offers a chance to move forward without dragging the battlefield behind.

9. The Money You Could Have Saved

Now imagine having that ₪100,000 or ₪200,000 back in your account. What would you do with it? You could fund your child’s university tuition, put a down payment on a new apartment, or finally launch that business you’ve been dreaming about. Maybe you’d use it to cover therapy, take a break to regroup, or simply create a cushion of stability as you begin this next chapter.

Every shekel spent on litigation is a shekel taken from your future. The cost of a contentious divorce doesn’t just hit your wallet—it impacts your emotional well-being, your ability to parent, your ability to move forward.

Divorce mediation typically costs a fraction—often as little as one-tenth—of what courtroom battles demand. That difference could be the start of your new life. Mediation allows you to keep more of your resources for what truly matters: healing, rebuilding, and making choices rooted in clarity, not conflict.

Choosing mediation doesn’t mean the pain disappears. It means you’re choosing to stop pouring money into the fight—and start investing in your recovery. You get to walk away with more than just legal closure. You walk away with options.

What’s the Alternative? Choose Mediation, Choose Peace.

Mediation is not surrender. It is strategy. It is structure. It is respect.

The benefits of divorce mediation include:

• Lower financial costs
• Faster case resolution
• Privacy from public hearings
• Healthier parenting frameworks
• Stronger emotional outcomes for all parties

You still have rights. You still protect your interests. But you do so with your sanity, your dignity, and your community intact.

About Me

I’m Shoshie Goldstein-Nissenbaum, a Toenet Rabbanit and experienced divorce mediator. I have spent years inside the Beit Din system, guiding individuals and families through some of the most painful and complex transitions of their lives.

I bring both deep halachic knowledge and a clear understanding of emotional nuance to each case. I specialize in high-conflict situations, where clarity, compassion, and steady guidance are essential.

I help my clients: 

• Avoid the financial and emotional cost of litigation
• Minimize long-term damage for themselves and their children
• Create realistic, sustainable parenting agreements
• Navigate both halachic and legal systems with respect and care

You do not have to go through this alone. And you do not have to destroy each other to separate. With the right approach, divorce can be handled with dignity, empathy, and a vision for a better future.

Ready to Save Your Sanity?

You don’t have to go to war to end your marriage. Even if things feel overwhelming or already out of control, it’s not too late to choose a different path.

There is a way forward that protects your dignity, your children, and your future.

If you are ready for a conversation grounded in care and clarity, I am here.

Reach out when you’re ready. Let’s talk.

The post The Hidden Costs of a Messy Divorce (And How to Avoid Them) first appeared on .

Successful Mediations: Stories of Hope

One memorable case involved a couple, Rivka and Shmuel. Rivka had been diagnosed with BPD (I stressed diagnosed by a professional and not just an accusation from her spouse)  and her fear of abandonment and emotional instability often escalated conflicts. Shmuel was deeply frustrated and felt hopeless about finding common ground.  Often people with fear of abandonment can use mediation as a tactic to stall. They orally commit to signing a divorce agreement that needs just one or two small changes and then repeat this request again and again, dragging the process out and never committing. Another typical hitch in divorce mediation when one on the spouses suffers from fear of abandonment, is they often try to stay connected through the divorce agreement. For example not setting clear custody for the holidays, but rather having to renegotiate and interact with the ex before every holiday or vacation. Nesting can be a great option for divorcing parents, but it doesn’t work when dealing with a BPD or with narcissism  tendencies ex-spouse. 

I began by establishing clear ground rules and creating a safe, structured environment. Rivka often needed validation and reassurance, which I provided to help her feel heard and respected. Once Rivka was able to  begin understanding  that divorce is the end of the relationship that she knew until now, and constantly reminding her of that. During moments of emotional outbursts, private caucuses allowed her to express her feelings without overwhelming the process.  The key here was not to judge Rivka, but to give her space and not having Shmuel manipulated by them.  For Shmuel, I focused on building empathy and helping him understand Rivka’s triggers, while also ensuring his concerns were addressed. Shmuel needed to create an agreement with very clear boundaries which he would be able to sustain, keeping his children’s best interest in mind and being realistic about his emotional, physical and financial resources. 

The turning point came when Rivka felt secure enough to discuss custody arrangements calmly. Both parties agreed to a structured parenting plan with clear boundaries, which reduced their conflicts. The process was challenging, but by focusing on their shared interest in their children’s well-being, we reached a resolution that satisfied both parties. The process took months to complete, but in the end the couple divorced with a divorce agreement, which was sustainable for both of them.



Another case involved David and Sara. David exhibited narcissistic tendencies, frequently dominating conversations and dismissing Sara’s concerns. Sara felt powerless and was ready to give up on mediation.

In this case, I used strategic framing to appeal to David’s sense of self-interest, highlighting how a successful mediation would enhance his reputation and save him time and money. For Sara, I provided a supportive space where she could articulate her needs confidently. Frequent caucuses allowed me to manage David’s controlling tendencies and redirect the focus to constructive solutions. David’s expectations of controlling every aspect of the children’s lives and by extension, Sara’s, were off the charts of unreasonable. He wanted a guarantee that the children would not be served or have access to a long list of foods including ketchup.  By appealing to his need to maintain a good reputation as being a good and generous father and the image he had of himself as the healthier father, we were able to come to an agreed upon parenting contract and divorce agreement.
Through persistence and reframing, we reached agreements on property division and a parenting plan. David’s need for control was balanced by clearly defined agreements, and Sara felt empowered to move forward. Both parties left the mediation with a sense of accomplishment and clarity.

Sara and David’s disagreements did not end with the divorce. People with narcissism tendencies or boarder liner personality disorder rarely disappear but at least they had a contract with clear parameters to fall back on. Both personality types seek control and will continuing seeking it , which is why one of the elements of successfully co-parenting with someone who will try to counter parent is to use an app like “My Family Wizard” or a parental coordinator to facilitate only necessary communication and with boundaries.

When Mediation Fails: Lessons Learned

1. A Case Where Narcissistic Behavior Undermined Mediation

Chaim and Leah came to me seeking mediation, but it quickly became evident that Chaim’s extreme narcissistic behaviors were a significant obstacle. He constantly belittled Leah and refused to consider any compromise, viewing her requests as personal attacks. At a certain point, he began gaslighting me, telling him that I told him that Leah agreed to issue X, when I had told him I would bring it up with Leah and let him know. Anytime that Leah would reject one of his offers, he became paranoid that I was telling Leah not to accept the offer. As a mediator, I must remain nutral and always look towards finding a sustainable and agreed upon solution. But, I cannot work with a couple, when one of the parties thinks that I am plotting against them.

Despite my efforts to establish ground rules and maintain a structured process, Chaim’s lack of empathy and manipulative tactics derailed the mediation. Leah felt re-traumatized, and it became clear that the power imbalance made a fair resolution impossible. I advised Leah to pursue litigation to protect her rights and ensure a just outcome.

2. Emotional Volatility from BPD Leading to Breakdown

Another case involved Miriam and Avi. Miriam’s BPD resulted in intense emotional reactions and rapid shifts in her demands. While Avi was initially patient, he became increasingly frustrated by Miriam’s unpredictability. Miriam’s inability to keep boundaries derailed the process of mediation even more. The couple had separated, Avi move out of the family home. This did not stop Miriam from stopping by Avi’s new home uninvited and critic him about his housekeeping in front of the children.

Despite my attempts to provide a structured process and involve therapeutic support, Miriam’s volatility made it impossible to maintain progress. With Miriam’s permission, I reached out to her therapist and we had a joint session. Both the therapist and I, each one from our professional view, encouraged Miriam to opt for mediation. However, Miriam was not able to mediate and insisted on all out war.  Sessions often ended abruptly due to emotional outbursts, and the lack of consistency prevented any agreements from being finalized. Despite Avi’s many concessions to Miriam’s demand, Miriam filed in court. In the end the court awarded Miriam a significantly lower amount of child allowance, half of what Avi agreed to give her in mediation. Miriam paid a lawyer 80,000 shekels to go to war and lost financially and emotionally. The entire family suffered and experienced unnecessary and avoidable pain.

People with personality disorders tend to be consistently inconsistent and predictably unpredictable. Yet, they do tend to cycle and if the mediator can pick up on their rhythm, and catch them at a good time in their cycle, it is possible to negotiate a sustainable divorce agreement. When working on case where one of the parties has a personality disorder or narcissistic  tendencies, I like to involve a therapist who can navigate and support the uncoupling- the  transition of the family and define their new relationship as ex-spouses.

Mediating divorces involving high-conflict personalities is undoubtedly challenging, but success is possible with the right strategies and support. If you are facing a difficult divorce, I invite you to explore how mediation can help you achieve a dignified resolution.

For a free 20-minute consultation, contact me, Shoshie Goldstein-Nissenbaum, Toenet Rabbanit and Divorce Mediator, at 054-798-5733.

Join me at the Divorcing with Dignity Conference on January 28, 2025, in Jerusalem. Click here to register.

The post Is it Possible to Mediate a Divorce if One of the Parties is a Narcissist or Has Borderline Personality Disorder? first appeared on .

Are you stuck in a psychologically or physically destructive marriage with a narcissist? Are you considering leaving an abusive situation but don’t know where to start? If you’re married to someone who behaves like a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, leaving can feel like an insurmountable challenge.

In my role as a toenet rabbanit and mediator, I have guided countless individuals through this harrowing journey. A critical part of this process is building a strong support network—a triangle consisting of the client, a toenet rabbanit, and a therapist or mental health professional. Together, this support system helps clients navigate the complexities of leaving a narcissist and prepares them for the ongoing challenges that often follow.

The Reality of Narcissistic Relationships

A narcissistic partner can be charming and likable in public, but at home, they may exhibit chronic entitlement, condescension, manipulation, and emotional abuse. This makes leaving such a relationship extraordinarily difficult, especially when the narcissist has convinced others of their “perfect” persona.

If this describes your situation, you’re not alone.

Common signs of narcissistic abuse include:

• Constant criticism and blame
• Isolation from friends and family
• Controlling behavior
• Emotional manipulation and gaslighting

If you’re unsure whether your experience qualifies as narcissistic abuse, reach out to a trusted professional for guidance.

Leaving Is Not a Failure—It’s Survival

Many of my clients struggle with guilt and self-doubt when contemplating leaving. As an empathetic person, you may feel dishonest or even disloyal for considering an exit.

But let me reassure you: your decision to leave is not a reflection of your character. It reflects their choices.

You were not designed to endure a toxic environment, and Hashem’s plan for you is one of peace, joy, and freedom. Leaving a narcissist is not a failure of your efforts to save the relationship—it is an acknowledgment of the environment’s toxicity and the need to protect yourself and, if applicable, your children.

As much as you’ve likely tried to fix things, you’ve probably realized that no amount of compassion, love, or effort will change a narcissist’s behavior. Leaving is an act of courage.

The Psychological Toll of Narcissistic Abuse

Living with a narcissist often feels like being trapped in a cycle of manipulation and control. Many clients describe constant feelings of self-doubt, anxiety, and fear. You might wake up every day walking on eggshells, trying to avoid their next outburst.

One of the most harmful tactics used by narcissists is gaslighting:

• Insisting events didn’t happen the way you remember
• Accusing you of being overly sensitive
• Dismissing your feelings as irrational

Over time, this mental and emotional abuse can erode your sense of self-worth. Recognize that the problem is not you—it’s the environment created by the narcissist. Healing begins when you accept that you deserve better.

Building a Support Network: The Triangle of Strength

To successfully leave a narcissistic relationship, it’s essential to have a support network in place. I recommend forming a “Triangle of Strength”:

1. The Client
   You are at the center of this process. Your courage and willingness to seek help are the first steps toward freedom.
2. Toenet Rabbanit
   As a toenet rabbanit, I provide legal, halachic, and practical guidance. I work with you to navigate the complexities of divorce within the Orthodox framework.
3. Therapist or Mental Health Professional
   A therapist helps you address the psychological impact of abuse, rebuild your confidence, and develop strategies for emotional resilience.

This triangle ensures you have the emotional, spiritual, and practical tools needed to move forward.

Preparing to Leave: Practical Steps

Leaving a narcissist requires careful planning to ensure your safety and well-being.

Critical steps include:

1. Keep Your Plans Private: Do not share your intentions with the abuser or anyone who might inform them.
2. Seek Legal Advice: Work with a toenet rabbanit experienced in narcissistic abuse dynamics.
3. Document Abuse: Keep detailed records of incidents, including dates and descriptions.
4. Secure Finances: Open a separate bank account and gather important documents.
5. Build a Supportive Community: Connect with trusted friends, family, or support groups.
6. Change Passwords: Update passwords and secure accounts with two-step verification.
7. Play the Long Game: If immediate departure isn’t possible, plan for an exit over time.

Spiritual and Practical Guidance

Our Torah provides wisdom even in situations as complex as this. Consider Yaakov leaving Lavan. Lavan was a master of gaslighting, yet Yaakov planned his departure carefully, prioritizing his family’s safety.

Sometimes, leaving is not only permissible but necessary to fulfill Hashem’s greater plan for you. Abuse is not part of the marriage covenant, and your safety and sanity must take precedence.

The Narcissist Never Stops

One of the hardest truths to accept is that a narcissist often continues their abusive behavior even after the relationship ends.

Post-separation tactics may include:

• Stalking
• Parental alienation
• Legal harassment
• Financial control

Ongoing support from a therapist and guidance from a toenet rabbanit is critical. Together, we can establish boundaries, navigate co-parenting (if applicable), and protect your peace of mind.

Join Us at Divorcing with Dignity

For mental health professionals, community leaders, and activists, the Divorcing with Dignity conference is an invaluable opportunity to learn more about creating a triangle of support for those facing the challenges of leaving a narcissistic partner.

You are not alone. With the right support network, thoughtful planning, and faith, you can take the first steps toward a life of freedom and dignity.

Reach out today to begin your journey.

The post The Triangle of Strength: How a Toenet Rabbanit, Therapist, and Community Can Help You Leave a Narcissist first appeared on .

Moving out may be exactly what is in everyone’s best interest, but without a plan it’s a recipe for disaster, especially if there are minor children involved. Your ownership rights to the property will most likely not be affected, that is a myth.The real issue is the minor children, the items you leave in the house (both communal and personal) and if you have a mortgage or pay rent, who will make those payments. Even if there is a threat of domestic violence or domestic violence has already occurred, before you make a move please, consult with a toenet or another legal representative to put a strategic plan in place.

Filing first gives you more control over certain aspects of your divorce, like choosing which jurisdiction will hear your case. Some cases are more favorable if filed in the family court, and others fare much better in the rabbinic court. Also, by filing first, you have the right to speak first at the mandatory mediation session (ישוב סיכסוך – yishuv sicsuch) as well as in court hearings. Well meaning friends and family may try to warn you that it’s not a good idea to file first, however the reality is very different. It is imperative that you consult with a toen/et or another legal representative to determine where to file.

a. Don’t be tempted by offers from a friend to use their great lawyer who may not be well versed in family law. When it comes to a lawyer who is a ‘jack of all trades’ you’re really getting a ‘jack of no trades’.

b. There are many great, very successful divorce attorneys who excel in family court, but do not understand the nuances of halacha. So be sure you are represented in the rabbinic court by a toen/et who approaches your case based on a deep understanding of Jewish law and the dayanim (judges) who make the rulings.

c. Don’t hire someone you’re not comfortable with. Make sure they listen to you attentively. That doesn’t necessarily mean they will agree with you, but they need to hear and understand how you feel. It’s important to choose a representative that you trust.

d. Make sure they are available. Is it easy to reach them? What’s the time rate for call backs / responses? Divorce cases are not 9-5! Emergencies happen often even if your case is very simple. (I haven’t yet seen a simple divorce.)

Concealing assets will almost always come back to bite you, and hard. It’s an understandable impulse. You may be dealing with fear, stress and the need for self-preservation. It sounds counterintuitive to reveal everything, but if you conceal assets and it is discovered (which it usually is) you can be assured, there will be consequences.

Keeping secrets from your advocate.

Going through divorce frequently causes people to confront their own actions and behaviors, as well as acknowledging how they’ve allowed their spouses to treat them. Both scenarios could cause embarrassment and shame. But the last thing you want is for your advocate to be blindsided either in court or in negotiations. So, as uncomfortable as it may be to be honest, withholding these details from your advocate could have direct, sometimes irrevocably damaging consequences to your case! This doesn’t mean you need to tell them everything. Try giving them the headlines of the things that are difficult to admit, and let them ask questions. If you are in a personal cycle of self-shame and self-judgment you will probably feel judged by your advocate. But if this is not the case and you are feeling judged anyway, it’s quite possible the person you’ve chosen may not be the right representative for you.

Parents divorce, children don’t divorce. Trying to distance your child from the other parent will not help your case! Abusive situations are a tightrope to be walked with the utmost care. Abuse is very difficult to prove. What’s more, the abuser can easily flip the guilt onto you, making the abuser out to be the victim and you the bad guy. If there is abuse going on, it should be reported independently of the divorce. The two matters should be separated. Waiting to file for divorce and filing allegations of abuse at the same time might not be advantageous to your case. Before taking any action, you absolutely must get advice from a legal advocate.

Please consider mediation over litigation. It is the optimal way to divorce. It’s not a match for everyone, so it’s advisable to look into different modalities of mediation and determine which will work best for you in your situation. I highly recommend collaborative divorce mediation. Although it costs more than regular meditation, this method, which is more than just signing an agreement, will assist you in meeting your long term financial goals and better benefit the children. Here is more information on collaborative mediation.

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