Understanding the Get. Everything you need to bring and what you need to know to prepare for participating in a Get in the Beit HaDin.
Marriage constitutes an integral facet of the Jewish lifecycle. The ceremony, known as
kiddushin, not only forges a profound connection between two individuals but
engenders an authentic union of their respective souls. However, divorce, too, holds a
place within the Jewish lifecycle. When a marriage irreversibly fractures, and the
continued union becomes untenable, a divorce decree, referred to as a Get, becomes
imperative to dissolve this union. A distinct ceremony, also denoted as a Get, must
transpire to return the conjoined souls to their independent states before matrimony.
Only then may the man and woman start their new lives as separate entities.
Drawing insights from the Torah's initial mention of divorce, we discern that the sole
requirement for the validity of a Get was the husband's issuance of a written document,
attesting to his intention to divorce his wife (Devarim 24/1). Notably, the woman was
bereft of agency in this matter:
כִּי-יִ קַּ ח אִישׁ אִ שָּׁ ה, וּבְעָלָהּ; וְהָיָה אִם-לֹא תִמְצָא-חֵן בְּעֵינָיו, כִּי-מָצָא בָהּ עֶרְוַת דָּ בָר--וְכָתַב לָהּ סֵפֶר כְּרִיתֻת
.וְנָתַן בְּיָדָהּ, וְ שִׁ לְּחָהּ מִ בֵּיתוֹ
"When a man takes a wife, and marries her, then it comes to pass, if she finds no favor
in his eyes, because he has found some unseemly thing in her, that he writes her a bill
of divorcement, and gives it in her hand, and sends her out of his house."
However, a significant development occurred when Rebbenu Gershom ben Yehuda,
who lived from 965 to 1028 CE, promulgated a decree around 1000 CE, mandating a
woman's consent for her husband to divorce her. This decree found acceptance within
European Jewry, allowing for the initiation of divorce proceedings by the woman as well.
Another pivotal requirement stipulates the mental competency of both spouses during
divorce proceedings to ensure the validity of the Get. The divorce process entails
meticulous adherence to numerous detailed steps, often extending over several hours.
The dayanim, or rabbinical judges, scrutinize each step rigorously to preempt any
errors.
What to Bring to the Get Ceremony
● Identification - For Israelis an identity card (teudat zehut - תעודת זהות ), fornon-Israelis, a valid passport
● The Hebrew certificate of marriage (ketuba - (כתובה
● Passport pictures for both the husband and wife (depending on the Beit Din this
might not be necessary.)
● A witness who can testify to all the names you use, what friends and family call
you, as well as your father’s full name and what friends and family call (or called)
him - including nicknames. The witness can be a family member, male or female
and both parties can use the same witness.
● Unsigned copy of the divorce agreement. (If it’s signed, don’t worry. You will be
required to sign it again in front of the dayanim.)
● For converts to Judaism - conversion certificate
Get Procedure
Different courts (herkevim) may differ in the order of the steps, but all will go through
each of the following steps:
1. Identifying Yourself
You will be required to show your Israeli identity card (teudat zehut - תעודת זהות ) or
foreign passport.
2. Ratification of the Divorce Agreement (ishur heskem - (ישור הסכם)
Some dayanim will spend the time going over the details of the agreement to make sure
you understand the ramifications and that it is sustainable and fair. Some will just have
you sign it in front of them, without reading the agreement. (You will sign it in front of
them regardless of whether or not you have already signed it.) The dayan will stamp the
agreement and it now has the status of being enforceable by law (psak din - (פסק דין
Sometime, the get ceremony will proceed the signing of the agreement.
3. Naming Process - (t'halich kviat shemot - (תהליך קביעת שמות)
In this process the Beit HaDin will determine which names of the divorcing parties and
their fathers will be written on the Get. This includes nicknames used by friends and
relatives of the divorcing parties. The clarification is done through questioning and
testimony by the witness. (In this case the witness may be a relative or a woman.)
Some dayanim are very thorough, taking their time to investigate different possibilities.
This is very important as the names written on the Get need to be exact. The halachos
of determining which names are written on the Get are complex. A mistake in the name
nullifies the Get. After the names are established, your witness may leave.
If you are called by an English name like: Theodor or Heather with a "th", I strongly
advise consulting with an English-speaking dayan beforehand to determine the spelling
of your name.
4. Establishing the Get Is Being Given and Received Willfully
The Get is only valid if it’s given willfully by the husband and accepted willfully by the
wife. So, it’s essential for the Dayan to confirm the willingness of each to participate in
the giving and receiving of the Get. He will ask the husband if he understands the ramifications of giving a Get and to confirm that he is granting it willingly. Now this
doesn't mean you are required to be happy about it or that you are free of doubts as to
whether ending your marriage is the correct thing to do. It does mean that no one is
forcing you to divorce, either by threatening your life, or by using other forms of
halachically recognized coercion.
5. Nullifications (bitul moda’ah - (ביטול מודעה)
At this point the dayan will instruct the husband to nullify any declarations (modaot) he
might have made regarding the Get. ‘Modaot’ is a halachic term which means an act to
invalidate a future action. The husband is nullifying any declaration or communication in
which he could possibly disqualify the effectiveness of the Get. Below is the language of
the nullification (bitul - ביטול ) that the dayan will say and have the husband repeat after
him:
שמעו אלי, אתם עדים שאני מבטל לפניכם כל מודעה ומודעה שיצאה ממני וכל דברים שאמרתי שאם
.´ יתקיימו יגרמו לביטול הגט, וכן פוסל אני כל עדים שיודעים שאמרתי כל דבר הפוסל את הגט וכו'.
‘Listen to me, you are my witnesses and I am canceling before you every declaration
and communication which emanated from me, and everything which I said that could
cause the nullification of the Get. I disqualify any witness who knows that I said anything
that invalidates the Get.’
6. Writing of the Get - ((כתיבת הגט)
A Get must be written by an official scribe (sofer - סופר ), on the same type of parchment
(klaf - קְלָף ) as a sefer Torah and with the same formation of letters. Since the husband must be the owner of the parchment, the writing utensil and the ink, a number of things
must happen before the scribe begins.
The dayan will ask the scribe to first confirm that he is the sole owner of the parchment,
ink and writing utensil. The scribe then gifts these to the husband who will be instructed
to raise the items as a sign that they now belong to him. The husband will then give the
parchment and instruments back to the sofer and request that the sofer write the get on his behalf in order for him to divorce his wife. The husband must stay with the sofer
while he writes the Get. If for some reason he has to go out for a few minutes, the
dayan will warn him that he should not say anything to anyone regarding the Get. From
this point on it is forbidden for the divorcing couple to be alone.
While the Get is being written, the parties can go to the secretaries; pay for the official
divorce document (teudat gerushin - תעודת גירושין ) and have their pictures taken for the
document.
Please note: If you had a ‘no exit order’ issued on you (tzav ikuv - צו עיכוב ) ** make sure
that the other party signs the form to remove it and that the dayan knows you had a tzav ikuv. You can fill out the forms while the sofer is writing the Get. After the Get is
complete, return to the secretaries and make sure the tzav ikuv was removed as it is not
removed automatically.
** A tzav ikuv (no exit order - צו עיכוב יציאה מן הארץ ) on minors, is an order issued by the Israeli Family court or Rabbinical court preventing someone from leaving Israel. In situations when one parent tries to take their kids out of Israel against the will of or without clear and legal consent from the other parent, a tzav ikuv will stop them at their point of exit. (You can check here to see whether or not a tzav ikuv has been issued against you or your children.)
In front of the witnesses (who are provided by the Beit HaDin) the sofer confirms that
he gifted the parchment and instruments to the husband, that the husband owns them
and that the husband has ordered the sofer to write the Get on his behalf. The
witnesses will accompany the sofer and supervise the writing (of at least one line) of the Get, to ensure that the sofer is following the order. The sofer must write the entire Get
without taking any breaks.
When the scribe completes the Get, each witness will proclaim the following:
"I proclaim I am signing for the divorce of .......” and the names of the husband and wife
are inserted. The witnesses then sign the Get. After the ink dries, it is brought before the
Beit HaDin to read. If there are any mistakes, the dayan will instruct the husband to
order the changes be made. Then the Bet HaDin repeats the process of clarifying that
the husband is giving the Get willingly and the husband repeats the annulment of any
declarations that could void the Get.
7. The Giving of the Get- ( (סדר ניתנת הגט)
The divorcing parties will be summoned to return to the courtroom. The dayan will
instruct the wife to remove any rings she is wearing. He will ask the wife to confirm that
she is receiving the Get willingly. Some dayanim will ask the divorcing parties if all of
their financial issues have been resolved.
The dayan will have the husband appoint the witness, who signed the Get, to be
witness for delivery of the Get. The dayan folds the Get and gives it to the husband. The
dayan will then instruct the wife to cup her hands and hold them open until the husband has dropped the folded Get in her hands, completely releasing it. The dayan will instruct the husband to say:
"הראי זה גיטך והתקבל גיטך זה, והרי את מגורשת בו ממני מעכשיו והרי את מותרת לכל אדם"
"This is your Get, and this Get was accepted, behold you are divorced and permitted to
all men."
After the woman accepts her Get, she will be instructed to lift it up, put the folded Get
under her armpit (not all dayanim require this), and walk 2 meters. At this point she will be instructed to return the Get to the dayan. The dayan then rips up the Get so no one
will be able to challenge its validity. The couple is now divorced.
The dayan will announce that the woman may marry anyone except a Kohen, but only
after 92 days. (This is to ensure that should she be expecting a child, paternity would be
clear.) If the woman is pregnant or the couple has a child under 24 months, the woman
must wait till the child turns 24 months to marry. The woman is forbidden to marry a
kohen. The dayan will also warn the divorced couple that they may not be alone
together, which would result in them violating the laws of hilchos yichud and
subsequently the possibility of requiring a second Get.
The divorced couple exits the courtroom and waits outside for the court sofer to bring
them the teudat girushin (certificate of divorce) and a stamped copy of the divorce
agreement. Some courts send the couple to the secretaries to receive these
documents. I strongly recommend getting a second stamped copy of the divorce
agreement.
8. Before You Leave the Beit HaDin
Make sure you have all the identification you brought with you as well as the two
additional new documents you will receive after the Get ceremony is complete: the
teudat girushin (the confirmation of your divorce), a stamped copy of the divorce
agreement, and proof of the canceled tzav ikuv** if you had one.
Once the couple is divorced, they are encouraged to maintain minimal contact, if any.
Obviously, if the couple has young children it will necessitate remaining in contact. The
sages were concerned that the previous intimacy and comfort level that they shared
with each other could lead them to behavior inappropriate for an unmarried couple. In
fact, Jewish law even places certain restrictions on the ex-couple from residing together
in the same housing complex. That said, the couple is not precluded from remarrying
each other; in fact, it is a special mitzvah to remarry a divorced spouse.
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